About Me

me

If I was more honest when filling out my online dating profile:

My Self-Summary

I was a hot mess in my 20s, most of it I don’t even remember. In my 30s I “came to,” only to find that everyone was married with kids. I mean, literally, everyone.

So now I am here, sifting through the remains. Like a gold panner who was late for the rush I’m just traipsing around in a daze, randomly scrounging for leftover gold in the creek.

The six things I could never do without

  • Mascara, because that shit you just can’t DIY.
  • Eye-cream, that’s where I’m at.
  • Coffee, because I don’t want to deal with those withdrawls again.
  • Chelsea Handler Netflix episodes. She makes life worth living.
  • My jogging shoes. Even though I run like Hodor and I’m slower than Joe the speedwalker who is my elderly neighbour, it is apparently something I enjoy doing.
  • Writing about my single life, and all of its strange encounters.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

Outer space. Why he never called. Why I care that he never called. Why I still have feelings.

On a typical Friday night I am

Gently caressing my eyes with Aquaphor, trying not to burn my gums with teeth whitener, and wondering if he didn’t call because I made it seem like I didn’t care if he called or not.

You should message me if:

There are no stipulations here but “hey” is not adequate. What am I supposed to do with that? Did you lose your brain? Please, if you have a brain, use it. If you did lose your brain because of injury simply add an addendum: “hey, I have a brain injury.” That, at least, I can work with.